NOT JUST RAD....THE GOOD ENOUGH DAD

Fatherhood has changed. Today's dads are more hands-on, more present, and carrying more than any generation before them. Yet their side of the story rarely gets told.

Dad, Daddy, Papa, Pa, Father… Fatherhood, and what it means to be a father has changed dramatically over the past generation of parenthood. Fathers today are more involved with the day to day lives of their children, than past generations. So, what do Dads have to say about this…how are Dads of the 21st century feeling, what are they thinking? How are they managing? So often in the space of perinatal mental health and wellness, we hear and read of the important and impactful journey of mothers…there is and has been a seismic shift in how valuable fathers are. Let’s shine a light on the voice of our dad’s, as we celebrate them this Father’s Day.

Patrescence

Patrescence is the term we use to describe the transitional journey of men to father. The term signifies the identity shift, the emotional and behavioural changes, the relational adjustments and the grief of the lost past.

In this intensified era of Patrescence, where access to endless information fuels expectations about what it looks like to be a loving attentive father, amidst an economic climate that drives parents back into the work force, working longer hours, outside of the family home, just to make ends meet…the strain on the family system and the mental health of parents, including fathers, is huge. As parents, we are impacted not just by cultural influences but also biological.

Fathers are struggling to secure an identity in this stage of life…a shift away from the role of ‘financial provider’… ‘being enough’ and a push towards identifying and showing up as an active and involved parent and partner is front and centre.

The expectation to heal generational trauma, educate oneself to be an attuned and responsive parent, all whilst continuing to fulfil the role of provider. Fathers, just like mothers are not immune to the social expectations of fathering. The ideas, the ideals, the social messaging around what it looks like to be a good father….a good provider….a good partner is loud.

A good enough dad...

Maggie Dent highlighted in a recent article…what does it look like to be a ‘good enough Dad’?

A dad who may not always ‘get it right’ but who leads with love.

A Dad who may not always show up as the ‘fun dad’ but who works hard every day to pave his own way in fatherhood.

A partner who ‘may not always make the sports games’ but wakes before the sun to ensure that the family Is taken care of.

The Dad who ‘wasn’t shown how to express hard emotions’ but offers strong arms and a shoulder to cry on whenever he can…

The voice of Dad’s share the struggles of feeling split between home and work, the challenge of learning how to manage their own emotions and behaviour whilst learning how to support their child with theirs, the intense desperation to protect their child in a world that feels at times, chaotic and scary, the helplessness felt in the messy overwhelm of family life, the loss of pre parenthood freedom and spontaneity.

The voice of Dad’s share their love of watching miniature versions of themselves or their partners step into the world, the pride in seeing their partners transform into mothers. The voice of Dad’s share that above all they want their children to feel loved, to know that kindness to themselves and others is not just an anchor in life but a guide, to know that it’s ok to make mistakes.